Category: Wisdom

Be a Loser with Pleasure if Need Be

  • In life, how should the so-called success and failure be defined? There are various perspectives from different angles to delimit them.

  • In a broad sense; objectively speaking — the possession of wealth, power, and status, that can be seen by everyone, is regarded as success. Those who fail to obtain wealth, power, and status, are considered as losers.

  • In a narrow sense; subjectively speaking — success is achieved when one’s personal desires and expectations are met. Those who fail to have their desires and expectations satisfied, are considered as losers.

  • Most people selfishly desire and are eager for quick success, winning each and every round, and they hate that they can’t get what they want. Winning makes you happy, losing makes you depressed — common human nature.

  • Happy losers are contrary to common human nature. They remain calm and content, even when facing adversity with no success. In the eyes of many, this is obviously just an act for the incompetent losers to cover up their embarrassment — but is that really it?

  • Your mental concepts will guide your mental attitude, then your mental attitude will determine how you feel and react to success and failure. (Thoughts → Concepts → Attitude → Talk → Action → Result)

  • Therefore, we work on equipping the right concepts first — those who get the principles of nature, would understand that — in life, it is absolutely impossible to always get everything you wish for, and for everything to always go in your favour. So since failures are just common occurrences in everyone’s life — do you really need to be ashamed of them, and cover the embarrassment?

I didn’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps.

Thomas A. Edison
  • Happy losers know that — if you don’t act, innovate, or attempt, then you won’t ever fail, but you won’t achieve much either. Those who are willing to take actions and risks; though have failed countless times, they understand that failures are only temporary, they are just required steps to reach success.

  • Happy losers are willing to accept the fact that they’ve lost and failed, and that they will not win every round. Success and failure will always co-exist — you win some, you lose some. There’s no need to complain, or scold anyone. They stay calm in a collected manner.

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

Randy Pausch
  • Happy losers get that failures are often caused by uncontrollable external circumstances. They would temporarily put the setbacks aside, learn from the failures, self-review, and develop ways to do things better. They will patiently wait for circumstances like time, condition, people, and place to change in their favour, then they strike again to make a comeback. Simultaneously, they would also focus on developing other projects, instead of just sitting around and wait.

Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.

  • Happy losers are not greedy for minor victories over some small battles, if that could cause them to fall into the traps of losing the war. They would rather give up little victories, even if that would make them look like they failed, in order to avoid possible greater losses. They understand the importance of keeping their eyes on the big picture. When they’re settled to lose the battle; they act quickly and decisively, and prioritize loss-cutting. The purpose is to temporarily retreat, mitigate damage, so that the whole army won’t be completely annihilated. They also won’t act on impulse and emotions, and get themselves so deep in trouble that they can no longer be saved. They feel blessed that they didn’t lose it all, and are able to retain part of their resources.

  • Happy losers value meditation and introspection. They constantly analyze their own qualities and capabilities, from an objective and rational standpoint, so they won’t over-estimate themselves and set their goals too high. Arrogance and pride often invite failures. Reflect on whether you have high expectations but low abilities? Did you hire the wrong person to handle the task? Did you form your personnel with cronyism resulting a lack of proper skills and talent?

  • Happy losers knows how to look at the bright side. When dealing with setbacks, they tell themselves, “Thank god I can afford to lose!” or “Wow, how lucky I am to have something to lose.” They just won’t quit or be defeated quietly.

  • Temporary failure is not a lifetime failure, let alone an ultimate historical failure. Therefore, happy losers will face every momentary success or failure with an optimistic attitude.

  • A happy-loser mentality is not a cover for losers to mask their embarrassment and incompetence. It is about retaining your strength, affirming your fighting spirit, preparing yourself for a comeback — a philosophical concept of the capacity to collectedly live with the ups and downs of life with contentment.

The Power of Appreciation and Gratitude

  • Everyone has the need of being thanked and appreciated, so their kindness and goodwill can be affirmed. If you did a good deed without being acknowledged, you will feel disappointed, and discouraged to act kind again. Therefore, in order to gain support and help from others, one must always be grateful and thankful, and express your gratitude not only in words, but also in physical behaviours. “Talk is cheap; actions speak.”

  • You love life (or hate) life — life will love (or hate) you back.

  • You appreciate (and help) others — others will appreciate (and help) you back.

  • You love (and take care) of your life — you will lead yourself to much better living.

  • You appreciate what you have, who you are — you will lead yourself to happiness.

  • This is a simple principle. Equipping this concept internally, will lead to expressing your gratitude in words and behaviours, from the inner core.

  • Gratitude is a concept that leads to emotional joy, through influencing yourself and others with positive energy of life — you’re more likely to achieve higher goals.

  • If you are always dissatisfied and ungrateful, often be complaining and blaming on yourself and others, you will spread negative energy, and feel discouraged to do better. Others will feel that you’re not worth helping, and walk away — you’ll find it much harder to succeed in life.

  • Appreciate more, criticize less. Praise others more, mock and shame others less. Try not to ask too much of yourself, which can reduce disappointment. Try to be more content with your current state. Learn from the basics, and lay a solid foundation for your future life development. Be patient, let time work for you.

  • Maintain proper self-discipline, take control of your own life, and try to rely less on others to survive. The less you need to depend on others, the easier it is to achieve happiness and success in life.

  • Be autonomous. Without independence and self-sufficiency, being in someone’s or something’s control can hardly result a happy life, you’re prone to distress and self-abandonment.

  • A more effortless way to achieve a successful and happy life lies in accumulating many small victories into a big victory, and enjoying numerous small blessings into a whole fulfillment. Small wins and blessings could be earned and established by yourself; substantial wealth and achievements often greatly depend on luck and uncontrollable external circumstances, which is relatively less common.

  • Although it might feel insufficient when you compare upwards, it is surely enough when you compare downwards, always be grateful and thankful!