Magnanimity: Finding Peace in Whatever Happens

  • What if there are no failures in life?

    Only successes and lessons.

    You either succeed, or become wiser.

  • What if there are no enemies in life?

    Only mentors and teachers.

    You either gain from those who support you, or learn from those who exploit you.
  • What if none of your past decisions and experiences were ever wrong or squandered?

    Only stepping stones to growth.

    You either celebrate your wins, or remember why you fell short.
  • What if this is why you can always find peace?

    And why nothing can truly disturb you?

    No person. No circumstance. No possession. No situation.

  • And just maybe, this is also why you can allow and embrace whatever life brings.

    Not because you’re supposed to enjoy every moment, but because you know every experience can become something valuable—as long as you choose to see it that way.

  • Perhaps magnanimity is the ability to see life this way.

Be a Loser with Pleasure if Need Be

  • In life, how should the so-called success and failure be defined? There are various perspectives from different angles to delimit them.

  • In a broad sense; objectively speaking — the possession of wealth, power, and status, that can be seen by everyone, is regarded as success. Those who fail to obtain wealth, power, and status, are considered as losers.

  • In a narrow sense; subjectively speaking — success is achieved when one’s personal desires and expectations are met. Those who fail to have their desires and expectations satisfied, are considered as losers.

  • Most people selfishly desire and are eager for quick success, winning each and every round, and they hate that they can’t get what they want. Winning makes you happy, losing makes you depressed — common human nature.

  • Happy losers are contrary to common human nature. They remain calm and content, even when facing adversity with no success. In the eyes of many, this is obviously just an act for the incompetent losers to cover up their embarrassment — but is that really it?

  • Your mental concepts will guide your mental attitude, then your mental attitude will determine how you feel and react to success and failure. (Thoughts → Concepts → Attitude → Talk → Action → Result)

  • Therefore, we work on equipping the right concepts first — those who get the principles of nature, would understand that — in life, it is absolutely impossible to always get everything you wish for, and for everything to always go in your favour. So since failures are just common occurrences in everyone’s life — do you really need to be ashamed of them, and cover the embarrassment?

I didn’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps.

Thomas A. Edison
  • Happy losers know that — if you don’t act, innovate, or attempt, then you won’t ever fail, but you won’t achieve much either. Those who are willing to take actions and risks; though have failed countless times, they understand that failures are only temporary, they are just required steps to reach success.

  • Happy losers are willing to accept the fact that they’ve lost and failed, and that they will not win every round. Success and failure will always co-exist — you win some, you lose some. There’s no need to complain, or scold anyone. They stay calm in a collected manner.

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

Randy Pausch
  • Happy losers get that failures are often caused by uncontrollable external circumstances. They would temporarily put the setbacks aside, learn from the failures, self-review, and develop ways to do things better. They will patiently wait for circumstances like time, condition, people, and place to change in their favour, then they strike again to make a comeback. Simultaneously, they would also focus on developing other projects, instead of just sitting around and wait.

Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.

  • Happy losers are not greedy for minor victories over some small battles, if that could cause them to fall into the traps of losing the war. They would rather give up little victories, even if that would make them look like they failed, in order to avoid possible greater losses. They understand the importance of keeping their eyes on the big picture. When they’re settled to lose the battle; they act quickly and decisively, and prioritize loss-cutting. The purpose is to temporarily retreat, mitigate damage, so that the whole army won’t be completely annihilated. They also won’t act on impulse and emotions, and get themselves so deep in trouble that they can no longer be saved. They feel blessed that they didn’t lose it all, and are able to retain part of their resources.

  • Happy losers value meditation and introspection. They constantly analyze their own qualities and capabilities, from an objective and rational standpoint, so they won’t over-estimate themselves and set their goals too high. Arrogance and pride often invite failures. Reflect on whether you have high expectations but low abilities? Did you hire the wrong person to handle the task? Did you form your personnel with cronyism resulting a lack of proper skills and talent?

  • Happy losers knows how to look at the bright side. When dealing with setbacks, they tell themselves, “Thank god I can afford to lose!” or “Wow, how lucky I am to have something to lose.” They just won’t quit or be defeated quietly.

  • Temporary failure is not a lifetime failure, let alone an ultimate historical failure. Therefore, happy losers will face every momentary success or failure with an optimistic attitude.

  • A happy-loser mentality is not a cover for losers to mask their embarrassment and incompetence. It is about retaining your strength, affirming your fighting spirit, preparing yourself for a comeback — a philosophical concept of the capacity to collectedly live with the ups and downs of life with contentment.

The Power of Appreciation and Gratitude

  • Everyone has the need of being thanked and appreciated, so their kindness and goodwill can be affirmed. If you did a good deed without being acknowledged, you will feel disappointed, and discouraged to act kind again. Therefore, in order to gain support and help from others, one must always be grateful and thankful, and express your gratitude not only in words, but also in physical behaviours. “Talk is cheap; actions speak.”

  • You love life (or hate) life — life will love (or hate) you back.

  • You appreciate (and help) others — others will appreciate (and help) you back.

  • You love (and take care) of your life — you will lead yourself to much better living.

  • You appreciate what you have, who you are — you will lead yourself to happiness.

  • This is a simple principle. Equipping this concept internally, will lead to expressing your gratitude in words and behaviours, from the inner core.

  • Gratitude is a concept that leads to emotional joy, through influencing yourself and others with positive energy of life — you’re more likely to achieve higher goals.

  • If you are always dissatisfied and ungrateful, often be complaining and blaming on yourself and others, you will spread negative energy, and feel discouraged to do better. Others will feel that you’re not worth helping, and walk away — you’ll find it much harder to succeed in life.

  • Appreciate more, criticize less. Praise others more, mock and shame others less. Try not to ask too much of yourself, which can reduce disappointment. Try to be more content with your current state. Learn from the basics, and lay a solid foundation for your future life development. Be patient, let time work for you.

  • Maintain proper self-discipline, take control of your own life, and try to rely less on others to survive. The less you need to depend on others, the easier it is to achieve happiness and success in life.

  • Be autonomous. Without independence and self-sufficiency, being in someone’s or something’s control can hardly result a happy life, you’re prone to distress and self-abandonment.

  • A more effortless way to achieve a successful and happy life lies in accumulating many small victories into a big victory, and enjoying numerous small blessings into a whole fulfillment. Small wins and blessings could be earned and established by yourself; substantial wealth and achievements often greatly depend on luck and uncontrollable external circumstances, which is relatively less common.

  • Although it might feel insufficient when you compare upwards, it is surely enough when you compare downwards, always be grateful and thankful!

Happiness and Unhappiness

  • Happiness is a feeling, a reaction, and an emotional state, so it is more natural to be built on an emotional and spiritual level, rather than on material possessions and sensual pleasures. This is why those who are emotionally stable and content are much likelier to achieve happiness, and those who are emotional fluctuant and angry often find themselves struggling.

  • In older times, life was relatively simpler. The reasons for old days’ happiness are as follows:

    1. Contentment is the root of constant happiness. You’re satisfied with what you have — you have less desires — you spend your money properly and sparingly — you often find yourself a surplus — you feel secured and at ease both financially and mentally.

    2. You can afford to give. With little desire, you spend less and are able to save up a surplus — you can afford to help those who are in urgent need — you feel sufficient psychologically — and are often rewarded and blessed by the gratitude from the people you’ve helped — you become more motivated to give — a joyful cycle.

    3. Avoid comparing yourself with others. The lack of the Internet means zero social media — you’re less likely to compare yourself with others — you accept who you are and work with what you have — just focus on enhancing your existing qualities and conditions. You might feel insufficient when you look up, but at the same time, you find yourself sufficient when you look down. In fact, most of us are positioned within the middle range. Everyone lacks something — you gain this and lose that — you acquire this and misplace that — continue to move forward with the acceptance of The Law of Trade-offs. There is no need to force yourself, just keep doing your own things within your capability (while gradually work on expanding your scope of capabilities), enjoy what you have, and reach mental satisfaction.
  • In today’s more technology-advanced world, most people achieve happiness based on material possessions and sensual pleasures. Unlike how people in the past focus on internal emotional contentment, people today are very much concerned with external validation and approval from others. The reasons for today’s happiness are as follows:

    1. Reaching financial independence and self-sufficiency. Being able to afford and fulfill all of the basic necessities, and to even have a surplus for luxuries.

    2. Achieving success and accomplishment. Climbing the social ladder to reach a higher social status — you become less dependent to others, and less controlled by others.

    3. A smooth social life. Having a compacted group of interpersonal relationships. You’re welcomed and accepted by your family and friends.

    4. Public recognition and approval. Your words and actions are recognized and accepted by the society as public contributions. Your personality and integrity are affirmed by the society. Your mind is enriched and at ease.

    5. Constantly advancing and progressing in life. Noticing consistent improvements in your lifestyle. Day by day, you become more and more wise and knowledgeable. Your life goal is approaching. You are gratified that all of your hard work is paying off — the fruitful outcome is just right around the corner.

    6. Health and wellness are priceless. They are so precious that their value is unable to be determined. If you’re physically and mentally unwholesome — materials, power, love, desires, ambition — are all only hollow fantasies.

  • In most ordinary lives, the 5 common roots of unhappiness:

    1. Lack of wisdom. Spiritual concepts are biased too much towards utilitarianism and egocentrism. It is common to see unhappiness revealed in the ones who have accomplished high academic degrees and asset possessions. It is because of their self-centred mindset, egotism, materialism, greed, and selfishness — ended up becoming a subservient puppet who gave up their own will, locked-up and controlled by the richer and the more in-power.

    2. Lack of consideration to others. Only know one’s own personal profit, disregard other’s benefits — just seek to take, neglect to give — solely concern self-interest, ignore public interest. These will trigger others’ negative feelings such as sadness, disappointment, indifference, and antipathy. These bitter feelings will lead to criticisms, contempt, exclusion, disrespect, and the cold shoulder towards you. Eventually, even close family members and friends will walk away.

    3. Lack of blessings. The blessings in life lie in working less and enjoying more. Stop focusing on seeking others’ validations and dedicating your life on working overtime nights after nights, over-worrying about not being good enough, or getting annoyed by others’ opinions. “If you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.” — Just let go. Letting go is powerful, it allows you to really enjoy the blessings that you deserve. Your bank account balance might be high, but it only signifies your usage right to spend that money. You don’t actually get to truly enjoy and own the value of your money until it’s spent (wisely).

    4. Lack of self-awareness. Only know how to look at things subjectively but not objectively. With no self-reflection, self-discipline, self-review —there will be no self-improvement. Invest in yourself — cultivate on your self-value and learn how to look at things from a broader angle with a deeper depth.

    5. Lack of health and wellness. Develop a disciplined lifestyle. You live your life disorderly — abusing your appetite and neglecting consistent exercise — you’re vulnerable to illnesses — ended up just laying on the deathbed not being able to do anything. If you don’t even have an effective life expectancy to enjoy and own your blessings, how could you talk happiness?

The things you own end up owning you.

Fight Club

How to Make a Decision — is the Most Important Decision of Your Life

  • In life, it is inevitable to experience birth and death, prosperity and hardship, success and failure. Although they say we’re all gonna fall to our own fate & destiny, human factor is still the more crucial component — what we have control over. Why is that? One needs to not only cultivate the traditional meaning of the internal human factors — studying, learning, self-growth, and doing good deeds; but you’ll also need to know how to cooperate with the mostly uncontrollable external circumstantial factors — timing, condition, human relations, cultural morals, and the system of the Laws.

  • Your innate nature and acquired knowledge form your identity. Your identity defines your decision-making ability. Your decisions will decide your destiny. Every time life throws you an scenario, a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something — you must face it and determine how to react to it. Ask yourself: What is my position? Am I the host or the guest? Should I advance or retreat? Analyze your position from an objective standpoint. Every decision made by you will result the corresponding gains or losses.

  • Therefore, you must not make your decisions recklessly and impulsively. You also must not casually let someone else make decisions at your own consequences. Be more rational, and less emotional. When you can decide your own fate & destiny, you are an autonomous being — you’re contented and happy at ease. Inversely, if you let someone decide your own fate & destiny, you’ll become a subservient being — you’ll be depressed and regretful.

  • Invest in your internal human factors. To make more beneficial and less damaging decisions in life, improve your decision-making wisdom by introspecting yourself. Ask yourself: How will someone react to my own character, attitude, the words I said, and past mistakes. Good things in life are earned, but not demanded or entitled.

  • Before making a decision, especially a major one; observe the condition, analyze the information, research past cases, arrange a plan, construct your execution, and lineup a backup remedy plan in case things go out of your expectations. Once the decision and made, it is time to relax. There’s no need to worry further, because the first half where you consider your internal human factor is done. The second half is outside of your control, which is the result of your luck, and how the rest of the external circumstantial factors transpire. Don’t waste your energy on stressing out over things that you can’t control, it is futile.

  • So how do you be more rational and less emotional, when it comes to making decisions?

    1. Prioritize the order of your life values & goals — from the most important to the least. Health and longevity, freedom and leisure, wealth and fame, love and family, knowledge and skills, etc. Make your decisions based on how you want to achieve the order of your values and goals.

    2. Your age affects the way you prioritize your values and goals. Different life stages — different values — different prospect. Your decisions should match your life expectancy.

    3. Calculate and be aware of the amount of life chips in your hand at that very decision-making moment — wisdom, aptitude, funding, timing, social network, family, etc. Determine how much you can afford to bet accordingly.

    4. Be aware of your unfinished responsibilities in your life, and determine your risk tolerance in making your decisions accordingly. (In general, the less responsibilities you have, you more risks you can take.)

    5. Can you afford to lose? Is there a chance to make a comeback after a failure in the future? Can you afford to pay price if you fail? “Failure is the mother of success.” — in life, very few can immediately get a win in one or two fights. Repeatedly get defeated, recover, return, and fight over and over again, is the normal and usual process of achieving success.

    6. If you don’t make this decision, will you regret it at the end of your life? If you will regret not making it, make the decision.
    7. Can you afford the absolute worst possible consequences of the decision? Are you willing to pay the price? If you can afford it, and you are willing to pay it, make the decision.

  • Remember, you’ve got to be “Good to be lucky, and lucky to be good.”